My confident faith does not entail that doubts do not fill my thoughts and life. Belief is necessary for doubt.
I am a conflicted Catholic, who remained lapsed for years. The thought of God and of religious practice was on my mind while I was away. I missed going to a place of peace where I could reflect on everything that really matters — anything. This sacred place is church.
Some atheists and theists talk about the world and (the concept of) God with absolute certainties. The first reject any mystery. The second contradict it. Humanity has been tentatively attempting to reach an understanding of its existence and freedom. All we can do is honestly and humbly attempt such an understanding. The mystery that pervades every thing is not an unsolved problem or even a problem to be solved. It is one to be embraced, lived, and grasped like all the mysteries of life (such as love).
My knowledge has limits, but my curiosity seems limitless. I rely on sound reason, but also on deep intuition. Years ago, when I was younger, I thought that church was no place for a doubtful person, that I had to leave my doubts on the doorstep before coming in. I was wrong. The church is where I am able to really face my doubts. My intellect is a gift, not a burden. My doubts are sincere and therefore spiritually fertile.
